Reading, Laughing, and Loving

I have been traveling with Charlie.  I strangely have not found reliable wi-fi.  So when I get home tomorrow, I promise to write.... I hope.

I started my day calmly. Charlie’s words were soothing to my need of relaxation. But the relaxation did not last long. I had to debate. And believe me, debate I did.

I reached my destination, the Loudon Building, just on time. I hardly had a second to spare. I walked on stage after the sparse audience applauded for me and my opponent. The light was blinding I must admit, however, I do believe I would have recognized his face even at the end of days. His angled jaw, dark features, and wavy hair must be that unmistakable trait of his. Darcy. I almost wanted to run, but realized that this was my chance. This was my chance to say everything I wanted to this man. It was so strange how I took immediately to loathing this acquaintance. Was I that moody of a person? I didn’t think so.

The announcer looked at us both, but I was busy staring into the eyes of my opponent. The announcer gave us our topic, however I am so flustered now that I cannot remember what happened while I was on stage. I do not know if I swayed the audience, or if he did. Everything was blank to me. And still is. I felt as though I had no control over what was going on. Like I blacked out, and someone else took my place.

The first thing I remember is leaving. I followed the curtain to the depths of backstage. There, my only spot light was the dim, red lighting of the exit sign behind me. I couldn’t think of what to do. I slouched against the door. I was exhausted, mentally and physically.

There was a taste of disdain in my mouth, harsh and reluctant to leave. Then I saw him, standing in front of me. Jason. Darcy. I didn’t know what to say, which seemed to be the theme with this and my mind.

Instead, he spoke first. "Miss," it almost sounded like a sneer to me, "I do hope my harshness there did not offend you in any manner. I must apologize, however, if you seek any consolation to these wounds I must say I cannot help you. Though I am sorry for the manner in which I have confronted the rudeness you have shown me, I am not sorry for confronting you. Please excuse me."

His tone was outrageous to me then. I can recall my immediate thoughts of him. But when I think of his words now I view them differently. I do not feel sorry. But neither does he. He was simply stating that we should not hold it against each other any longer, for we shall never meet again. I hear it clearly now that all he was conveying was his lack of respect for me and for my lack of respect to him.

I guess when it comes down to it. I never will see him again. I will make sure of it. I will NOT see Jason Darcy again in my entire life! I swear this promise to my eyes! My pride was wounded by his sheer audacity, saying he was apologizing about him NOT being able to apologize! The nerve of this man, I swear!

If I had have bee in my right state of mind, I would have not taken my silent reprieve. I would not have let him go.

But I went home to Charlie, where we ate what was left of our ice cream! I swear, what else are friends available for, other than to make us all obese from iced yummy-ness?!? This helped considerably.

I will never think of Jason Darcy ever again. Ever. Now, after tonight’s journal, I will go back to my normal life. And all will be well.

I can hardly express my emotions right now! It’s almost as though there are so many going on through my body that I haven’t the ability (or energy at the moment) to comprehend them all. Kind of like a bunch of children that are all trying to talk to you at one time, and you cannot understand them for the life of you! That is what is going on inside of me right now! Great!

I walked to Meryton Hall yesterday for the assembly, where I met my sisters. (I was not sure how Lydia would manage to skip school for such a bogus event, but sure enough she was tagging along!) When I arrived, I saw the banner hanging over the large building, reading: "Homecoming." I was not even aware that this happened, let alone it was planned for today.

I saw people dressed uncommonly formal for this event. Or so I thought. I did not realize that this simple event would cause such a big fuss. (I’m obviously not observing anything here lately! Maybe I should go to school a few more years. In my last, I’m still not getting the memo. I might as well give up now! I’m kidding of course.) I felt moderately underdressed as I walked around before I met up with my sisters. Luckily, I wasn’t the only one who either didn’t know of the dress code, or just didn’t care.* I was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt; it was a miracle I had even remembered to brush my teeth, let alone my hair. I became consciously aware of all of this.

However, when I was reunited my dearest Jane, I felt instantly better! Jane was wearing a nice flowery shirt with jeans. She held a sweater; it was striking how much more sophisticated she looked since the last time I saw her. Mary, of course, was in her usual drab clothing, all dark colors with maybe a hint of pattern or color every once and a while. She wasn’t dressed up so this eased my burden until I looked at my other sisters. Both of which were scantily clad. Something I was used to seeing from them. They both wore short skirts and a more than revealing frilly top. Why did they have to be all like........ that?

We sat down together in the massive auditorium Meryton Hall had to offer. Kitty had already managed to fling herself onto an unsuspecting guy of her liking, with Lydia following. Mary looked around, barely talking to any of us. Shortly after, the strange assembly began. It really did not concern Jane and I, so we talked, as nearly all of the audience did.

"I’m telling you, Jane, you are never going to thinking ill of anyone," I stated.

"They’re children! Am I really suppose to think they are all crafty, mean individuals, out to get me? Lizzie, please! Is that how you see the world!"

"Well, of course not," I looked at her through the dim lighting, "I do not see the world that way. However, if a bunch of cookies were missing from a cookie jar in your classroom, I’m not going to suspect an adult. And even at best, you would just figure you weren’t missing any! We are not all as good of souls as you, my dear."

"I don't feel like that is a fair statement, Lizzie. I feel that you--" Before she could say much more, a man's voice was so loud, that I could not hear her. she stopped talking as we heard another group's discussion. They sat right behind us.

"I’m telling you, Darcy; you can’t live like this anymore! We need you out in society more often! This is good for you!"

"Believe me, Charles, you are the last person that should be telling me to be more social! I have my friends. I do not like--" Strangely I found myself interrupting the man called Darcy.

"Excuse me gentlemen, though none of us are paying valuable attention to the program, we are paying attention to our own contestations, so if you don’t mind, it would be great if you kept it all to a reasonable level!" I don’t know why I said this to them. I was very perturbed; clearly, this set me off.

"Lizzie!" My rudeness had clearly embarrassed Jane. "You weren’t bothersome. I’m sorry for her. Please excuse us." And that was it. Jane did it. She made eye contact with the poor unnamed soul. That was it. Contract terminated for the guy. He was shipwrecked, dead meat, and completely dumbfounded.

That man spoke first, with the dim lighting I could only tell that he had light hair and a long neck. He was already in the involuntary spell my Jane omits. "No, it’s fine. She is completely right! Darcy and I were being quite obnoxious, weren’t we?" The man looked over at his dark headed friend, who obviously was not apologizing. I was practically scorning Darcy with my eyes, but I’m sure he couldn’t tell through the partial darkness. "Well, umm.... I’m Bingley... errr. I mean Charles Bingley."

Jane shook the hand he stuck out awkwardly, which, given her manners, wasn’t surprising. However, it was strange to see my Jane act flustered in front of a man. Her voice came out clear but almost sheepish. "Hi. I’m Jane."

"How lovely a name! Jane! It’s very.... very nice. Jane. Jane." He repeated her name. The awkward tension between the two as they kept their eye contact was almost too much to bare.

Knowing me, I said something. "So, I do apologize. I would blame my outburst on a bad day, but I suppose no one would like to hear about those apologies. In fact, a blame, I fear, is nothing like an apology at all." I smiled, laughing as usual.

"Yes, but rather characteristic of the world. I would not be surprised if half the world considered shifting the blame to another is as good as done. The world is quite understandable, sadly, but you will see no remorse from me." The Darcy figure seemed pompous to me. I did not care for him. Though I had begun to like this Charles fellow, Darcy on the other hand.... Not so much.

"Is that your true opinion of the world? As cynical as I can get through my days, I find that there is always some form of hope left in the human race." My mind began to baffle itself with all types of ways to make out his character, something I always did with new acquaintances.

"No, I merely was stating that the world has lost all sense of reason when it comes to propriety and courtesy." He was blunt, too blunt. He left a feeling of awful disdain in my mouth as I spoke to him.

"Well, you are clearly representing courtesy. I wonder if you seem to think your prideful ways are better than the world’s and that they should be more like yourself?" I raised my eyebrow in our banter, which was slightly less than cordial, but it wasn’t as if this Darcy would notice.

"No--" Before He could retaliate my crushing words, Charles interrupted him.

"I’m sorry. I guess I haven’t introduced all of us. This is Jason Darcy."

"I’m Elizabeth. It’s a pleasure. Really." I put my famous sarcasm into that sentence. Darcy and I did not look at each other, and we certainly did not shake hands.

But as we all sat awkwardly looking at each other, the lights came back to normal. It was over. I bid my leaving to Jane, our new friend, and his friend; I left quickly. I knew Jane would catch up with me.

As so she did. We met outside Meryton Hall; she had a blooming smile on her face, one I rarely saw. She practically jumped the last 5 feet that separated us. "We are going to see each other again." For a moment I didn’t know who or what she was talking about.

"What?.. Oh! Oh! Is that good? I mean, great! That’s great, Jane." I stumbled along my words, still baffled by my previous encounter with a certain Darcy.

Jane barely talked of anything else the whole night. I barely thought of anything else. Oh, how I would love to show my blooming wit to that man! He struck me in such a wrong way; I couldn’t bring myself to think about it much longer.

Jane left today, back to her children, her classes, her work day.

Charlie is back home. He brought me ice cream! How wonderful it was to curl up with a too-large container of calorie-packed ice deliciousness! We watched a movie on our overly stained Couch, which took up a large section of our multi-roomed dorm. He was just the kind of friend I needed in these situations! However, as much as I could tell Charlie anything, I couldn’t explain to him the anger I felt toward this man. I felt like my pride had been ripped out and shot five times! Though I expressed some of my feelings, all Charlie said to me was that I should forget it all. I would never see the man again anyway.

I must say, I don’t know if I would prefer to be in the miserable, lonely state I was in two days ago over this; it is a close tie.

*count on us college kids to either be unprepared to dress for occasions, or to say ‘screw you’ in the face of codes and regulations. Then again there is that minority of people who don’t..... like my sisters.

As typical as ever, my mother seems to find out subjects of MY life nearly before I do.  Strange is the way of mothers....  Anyway, my professor of law told me today that I was chosen for an inter-mural debate.  I can argue you well; so this was no shock to me that I was chosen.  However, I only found out today, and the debate this Thursday.  I don't think they are letting us prepare anything for our topics.  But, no matter, I am very decisive, and I am quite sure of myself.  Though, none of that explains how mother found out about this.... 

Apparently, there is collegiate event tomorrow.  Some assembly that I am being drug to by my sisters.  Not that I mind social events, but that I am not keen on socializing for the sake of doing so.  My Jane tells me I have to be in a proper mood to converse nicely with people I don't care for.  However, it just seems that here lately, all the people I have met have been completely rude to me.  I am not one to treat uncivil people with civility, especially not when I've been in this funk. I am so strange without Jane's smile in my life at the moment.

However, I am hoping for a lovely event tomorrow, which I feel is certain to occur; for Jane is taking the day off to see her most beloved sisters!  I am excited to see her, and hopefully I will manage to go shopping.  Not that it is relevant, but I have hardly any available food in my dorm.  I haven't been out and about in quite a while.

My closest friend, and roommate, Charles (Charlie) Lucas is returning from his trip to Boston tomorrow.  It will be wonderful to see him.  Maybe he shall cheer me up! I awfully miss him!  I have not seen him in a month, which is far too long in my opinion.  He promised he would bring me something, as he always does.  What a wonderful friend to have.  Friends certainly balance out a crazy family (though it doesn't erase them).

I do believe that I will become uncommonly addicted to this journal.  I see that I can basically say what is on my mind, and I will not have to worry about confusing the daylights out of people who are to slow to comprehend what my father calls 'my greatest asset': my wit.  I also won't have to worry about people being terribly offended that I express my opinion too freely.  Yes, this should be quite addictive indeed.
Though I do not see myself as someone who would cling to something in such a way, what other choice do I have?

I used to openly discuss things with my most beloved, and elder sister, Jane.  We would talk for hours on end.  Oh, what fun we used to have!  Her and I had a dorm room together while she was still in college.  I laugh even thinking of it. (I do this often.  I believe if my family is known for nothing else [which highly unlikely], they would be remembered for always having laughter about us.)

However, I scarcely see my Jane anymore.  Jane graduated from college last year, leaving me to live with a new soul.  How ardently I miss her!  She is now a kindergarten teacher, which suits her well, for she has the kindest heart.  I must dare to say that she would not hesitate to think the whole world good and happy.  I can't blame her for that; I would much rather see the world that way.

Though I am not short on happiness, it seems the loss of the company my dear sister has made me rethink my future, but it has also made me examine my past.  For this, I am grateful.  I never thought I would miss my home as much as I do now.  In fact, I never disliked my family; but it always had its tedious moments.

My mother and father were unusual.  They seemed to be happy in each other's presence, but they constantly bickered, which was not pleasant in the small and crowded house of ours.  My father is a botanist; but he always claimed he was just a gardener, nothing more.  I adore my father!  He always has something to follow up what seems to always spew out of my mother's mouth.  My mother, on the other hand, stayed home through my sister's and my schooling.  However, after we were all to a fair and reasonable age, she remained home, being a typical 'housewife'.  (Which I don't care for, not because of my mother, but for other general, sexist prejudices I normally try to over come, which leads to a lot of awkward moments, internally and externally.)

As I've already mentioned Jane as one of my sister's; I also have three more younger than I.  Mary, who is now starting her sophomore year of college, is probably considered the loner of our family.  As much as I hate to say it, for I dearly love all my sisters, she is so different from all of us.  She's very quiet, only speaking to close friends.  Mary lives for her music, which I applaud her for. (I am not quick to learn when it comes to instruments.)

Kitty is quite enthralled with the starting of college for her.  She has already found a way to join a sorority, and I won't be surprised if she dated every available man on campus before her freshman year is over.  Needless to go further into detail, she is big on partying.... a little too big.  Along with Kitty, my youngest sister is following in her footsteps very adamantly.  In fact, I wouldn't call it following, for they are nearly inseparable.  They always have been.  Lydia is getting her first dose of college early, for she is only about to graduate high school.

It seems so odd to think of all my younger sisters growing up.  Jane and I have always been real close, so I haven't noticed how much we changed together.  But as I look back now, its odd how much we have all changed.  I remember the first time Jane drove with me in her car.  I about freaked out, to death!  And even more so with the rest of my sisters.  Of all of them, I am aparently the ONLY one who obeys basic traffic rules.

Speaking of older times, it seems fit to share that in our fair town of Longborne, my parents were very keen on us all gong to the same high- school, college, and every in between.  Prin and Stark University is the closest college to our home town, residing right outside county. 

Nevertheless! Our mother still complains that we are simply too far from her arms.  Which seems odd to me, for by the age of ten, she pushing us all out into the world, seeing if we would catch the eye of some boy in our middle school.  She surely prayed everyday for the arrival of a 'glorious' man to enter our lives.  Boy!  It was be realllllllllly tough being a mother.  Just birth your children out, and then give them to someone else ASAP!  I can't count how many times she has tried to hook us up on dates with guys that she will meet in the supermarket!  It's unreal the men that she wants us to date!

Well, surprisingly, I'm getting rather tired.  I will tell more of my family later.  For now, I feel like I should go to sleep!

I do feel much better, though this doesn't replace my Jane; it helps.   :)